Faster than a speeding sloth...

Once in junior high my track coach made me run the 400. Now I am not sure how much you know about track and field but that is an entire lap around the track (and guys who are good stride/sprint the whole thing). Needless to say I was not very happy with my track coach. So I decided to do what any normal guy that despised running and only wanted to do the triple jump would do... I jogged it!!! I'm not talking about a hearty jog that gets your heart-rate going, I'm talking about and fast walk with a little hop in it. I was so slow that the announcer literally had to ask people to clear the track because there was still a runner. I put the icing on the cake I did a beauty-queen wave the entire time I was in front of the bleachers. My coach was not happy (at least that made two of us).

I was a terrible kid!!!

Have you ever done anything like this?

Stacker

I can beat stacker!!!

Can You?

When I Die...

I have come up with the perfect solution to a funeral... I won't have one. Instead I would like to be dressed in a astronaut suit (Russian) and dropped from a really high flying plane over a neighborhood. I want a map of the United States in my hand with red x's on all the places the news tells you would be prime targets and code written all over it. When the descrambled the code it would simply say: "Why did you spend so much time decoding this worthless message?"

Is this too much to ask?

My Middle Name is...

Richmond (for real)... that is all.

What is your middle name?

Death by dryer.

From time to time my brother Jody liked to help me with my ninja training. I learned to do tight flips by curling up inside a dryer tub (the metal part inside your dryer) and letting him push me down a hill. One day when it was raining we decided to try the real dryer. My brother would basically hold the button with the door open and I would flip and flip. It was a crucial part of my cannonball attack training. Unfortunently my mother drove up as we were training (she never approved of such trivial things as ninja training). She thought that I should be spending my time doing more important things such as pottery or crocheting. Now, instead of telling me what was going on he simply shut the door and turned it on. As I was flopping and gasping for breath I managed one last thunder elbow to the door and popped it open. My mother hapened to be standing right in front of the door at that point. Needless to say I was turning pots for a month.

Has this ever happened to you?