Ninja?

It is rumored that when James' mother paddled him with the He-Man sword that he and the sword became one making him a small ninja-man-boy-turtle:

"He wasn't like the other boys. While we were shooting hoops he would be beating up small leprechauns with weapons he made out of pine-cones or broom-sticks." -Scooter (childhood friend)

"I heerd that he was traneded by them ninja turdels." -Buck (some hick that knew James)

"He threw things with pinpoint accuracy. From hot dogs to cups to oatmeal to dentures." -Matthew (Flying Hot dog victim)

"I saw a bright light and then felt excruciating pain on my forehead." -Travis (Flashlight attack victim)

"I saw a bright light and then felt excruciating pain on my forehead." -Travis (Cell-phone attack victim)

"He ninja-kicked me in the neck just because I was running after him to hurt him." -Lyndsie (Daughter)

"He's very, very sneaky." -Shellee (Sister)

"We never saw it coming." Patty (Random leprechaun)

Those who regularly spend time with James say they still see ninja-like tendencies from time to time.

Have you noticed any ninja-like tendencies in James?

Genesis

The best place to start is the beginning. That is what "The Sound of Music" taught me so that is where we'll start (Not with "The Sound of Music" but at the beginning.). I was born conventionally (no science labs or meteorites) and grew up in a very small town called Evadale. Evadale is so small that it does not even contain a single traffic light (yes... it's that small) and is known for its foul smell. In fact, its nickname is "Evil-smell", but it is not Evadale's fault. You see there is a paper mill there and paper mills stink a lot like rotten eggs. My dad always says that it is the smell of money. That's because he worked there for nearly forty years. That is a little about my small town and here is a little about me: I'm told that I was born on April 26, 1981 at St. Elizabeth Hospital in Beaumont, Texas and that I weighed 8 lbs 11 oz. That is all I remember about my birth and I'm sure I told you enough already. [ENOUGH OF THIS ALREADY]

This is where it all began:

My first memory (thanks to videotape) is of me at 4 years old, mooning (I hope you are familiar with this term because I am not going to describe it.) the camera while dancing in my under-roos on Christmas Eve. That is until my mother jerked me out of the frame and commenced to spank me with my He-Man "Masters of the Universe" sword. I am pretty sure that this is the one defining moment that shaped the way I am today.

What is your first memory?