Waking Up to a Nightmare

It is the strangest thing when your dreams are peaceful and the nightmare starts when you wake. Every morning I wake up and my dreams fade into the stark reality that is my present life. I get out of bed and get ready for the day (all the while the anxiety builds) and my stomach doesn't settle down until after I see daddy for the first time. Then I am OK until the last visit of the night when I leave him. Then the nightmare starts again until I finally dose off to my dreams.

At least my dreams are peaceful.

Fight the Good Fight

My dad has taught me a lot over the years. He taught me my first four chords on guitar. He taught me to plumb a wall and hang sheet rock. He taught me how to lay out a board to get the most cuts out of it. He taught me how to build, set and run a trot line (country boy can survive). He taught me how to love, laugh, learn. My dad has taught me so much over the years. Right now he is teaching me to fight and man is he a fighter.

Keep fighting Daddy... I love you!!!

Songs of Comfort

There are a few songs that keep running through my mind as I wait. I thought I would share the with you and maybe they will bring you strength:

Though I Feel Alone
Waterdeep

Though I feel alone
I am never alone

You are with me
Oh, my Lord

In the night-time while I'm on my bed
I will let every thought be of You
For you are good
You take all those who will come to You

In the morning as I face the day
I will let every thought be of You
For you are good
You take all those who will come to You

It is Well with My Soul
Horatio Spafford

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul


God of Hope
Charlie Hall

Set this hope in me, Set this hope in me

That I may be pure and holy
That I may be like You only
That I may be completely free

Though You slay me I will hope
Hope inspires my endurance
Your hope is my anchor
God of hope fill me

You are God Alone
Billy and Cindy Foote

You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, thats just the way it is

You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You're the only God
Whose power none can contend
You're the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God
Who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And thats just the way it is

Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
Thats what You are

You Never Let Go
Matt Redman

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

From Concept to Confession

I am sitting in an ICU waiting room for the eighth day in a row. My wife and baby girl just had to leave me and go home. My sisters and brother have also left but we promised our dad we wouldn't all leave him so here I am... resolved not to leave him (not that anyone else wanted to, but they have obligations and they will be coming back). The doctor tells us not to let our emotions go up and down because whether my dad is getting better or worse there will be good days and bad days. Yet I am sick every time I walk through the ICU doors not knowing whether he is doing great or terrible and realistically I have no idea what any of the numbers that give me comfort or panic really mean. I am helpless, unable to fix it. The funny thing is that I have been praying for God to teach me to trust Him and now I almost feel like this is my fault. That my dad is laying in that bed because my faith is weak. I pray that God will heal him. I remind God of stories where Jesus healed people like I am trying to build His confidence (come on God, You can do it). I recount scripture promises and claim them. I am hopeful every time the door opens and then I round the corner and see him in the same state and my heart falls. I am back to square one. Weak. Feeble. Helpless. And yet I continue to hope. I feel my faith strengthen and will not be shaken. I am resolved to pray that God will heal him and believe that He can. I wait. Realizing that those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. I need strength. I wait. Because I can do nothing else. I hope. But only in Jesus because He is my only hope. My faith is becoming real and yet it hurts so bad. When faith matures from concept to confession you realize that all you can do is rest in Him. I rest.

My Daddy

Many of you know that my dad is in ICU from complications with pulmonary fibrosis. It has been a really long week but I wanted to give you an update so that you will know how to pray. We need to move him to Houston so that his specialist, Dr. Herlihy will be able to assess the situation and give the best treatment possible. Please pray that all the doors open to make that happen.